My Life With No Stitching

Sorry, but today is not a stitching update. I really wanted it to be an update, but sadly there really isn’t enough stitching to make a stitching update. So the reason that I am on here writing to you today is because of a post that I made two posts ago. Even though talking about things in my life is really hard I found that it really helped me afterwards. So anyone reading this thank you all so much for reading and even if you don’t make a comment just getting my thoughts out into words seems to just lift a heavy weight off of me.

Nothing new really happened to cause me to write to you right now, except for how I am feeling, which I think in turn is making stitching really hard to do. Usually, it is my way out, my way to clear my mind and have my troubles leave me. But this week has been very hard and I think I know kind of a few reasons behind it.

So I have been feeling very overwhelmed and I am getting over emotional towards things that I’m not emotional about, but because of this heavy overwhelming feeling, I seem to just suddenly lose control and breakdown, not knowing the reasoning behind me breaking down so suddenly.

It will be my birthday in a week so I have been feeling like I need to visit with my family, just because I have been getting a few texts from my mom saying she misses me, which in turn makes me feel like I should visit. You see she is trying to have a relationship with me and I should just find it easy to go see her, but I don’t. No instead I feel overwhelmed about going over there and having to curl myself back up in my shell and be the way I was when I used to live there, someone that looking back, I have grown to hate the way that person was. I feel like I have come so far and pushed myself so much to be the way that I truly love and want to be, but going there I just feel like I can’t be that person and old habits that used to be my personality creep their way back inside and take a long time to leave, which effects my relationship with my partner of course. Because I come home and I’m closed off towards him and I talk of us ending our relationship, because somehow in my visit my mom has convinced me that he is using me, that all money should be split down the middle, that us sharing our life and moving together as one can be done if we just split everything, like we are roommates living together. And I hate that, because that is not how I want our relationship, I love that our relationship is always finding balance with each other and caring equally about what each wants and needs. My mom though just has this way of somehow convincing me that that is not a good relationship or we are too young to understand the things that can happen or that I should trust her more than myself or my partner because she is my mother.

Sometimes I wonder if I just need to close myself off from my mother just till I am strong enough to be happy and feel okay with being myself and staying true to who I really am. But I know that it can’t really work that way, because she loves me and has cared for me and how could I just close the door in her face all because I can’t seem to control myself or because I’m not strong or just because for some reason she has this effect on me? I guess part of me feels like I’m being unfair to her, that I’m punishing her for no reason and that I should hate myself for feeling this way about someone who loves me and has cared for me my whole life.

I’m sorry about this post turning into such a rate. I just really needed to get this all out. I hope I can be back maybe next week before my birthday or after with a stitching update. Thank you all for reading my drama.

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Telling the Truth

I came on here to write a cross stitching blog post about what I have been working on (don’t worry I’ve done lots of stitching) but just with things coming up in my life I have just felt that I can’t write about stitching. So today I’m going to be writing about something I hate talking about, something that I find so hard to write down that I don’t know how well this will be written. I will try to go over this post to correct any mistakes, but if there is a lot please forgive me. Now if you find reading emotionally tragic posts a triggered then I will say goodbye to you here and I hope that you come back to my blog with my next cross stitching update, if you aren’t sure what I mean and you don’t think you should continue then I will tell you that this has nothing to do with suicide or physical/sexual abuse. Nothing like that.

So one of the reasons I didn’t come back as soon as I said I would was because typing long posts on a phone are very hard for me, which I believe I talked about in my last post. So you might be thinking I’m writing this on my phone once again; I’m happy to say though that today I finally decided (getting much encouragement from my partner I should add) to finally get the Google Pixel and the Google keyboard. Just like to add that I love it so far and it is great to type on.

The reason I am calling this post “Telling the Truth” is because what I am about to write I have never written or talked about in depth except to my partner. I once wrote a bit about this in an autobiography assignment I had to write for English and to be truthful I found it one of the hardest thing to ever do while in school. What I wrote though seems like something so small and I think in many ways I have moved on and let go with what had happened.

This had been when I was very young and you might think that being young and knowing kids can be silly and annoying to there parents most of the time. While I guess I must have got my mom frustrated too many times. Now I can’t remember the days it happened or even what I had really done. All I can remember is my mom’s hand slapping me across the face and me running and crying in my room; my tear stained face pressing against my pillow wondering what I had done wrong to make my mom hit me, thinking and wondering maybe my mom didn’t love me. My brother and sister never got hit, not across the face. Mom would come in soon later and comfort me; pat my back till I sat up and then hug me. She would tell me how sorry she was and how much she loved me.

I can’t remember how much this happened, but I knew once I got to around sixth or fifth grade that it stopped, at least that is my guess. Now I know my mom should have never done that, I know that she was the parent and I was the child and hitting a child is no way of showing them they did something to anger them. My mom should have left the room or the situation that was causing her to be upset and take a breath. But I also know that anger has a horrible way of controlling us when we need to be the ones control it. When I first ever talked about this I found it so hard, as I don’t see my mom as the physically abusive. I think I am telling you this though as I almost need the base ground and maybe I just feel if I am telling you everything else I may as well tell you as much as I can.

You would think that after what I just told you that maybe we prepared our relationship and are really close like mother and daughter should be. In reality, though we aren’t, in reality, I don’t even want to see her. It wasn’t what she did to me then, no, it is what she does now; what she won’t stop doing even though I have had very hard conversations asking her to stop. My mom has and is a very strong woman, which I love. But she is also the type of woman that when she gives advice you should take it without question; when she asks about how you are doing she will press you until she needs to give you advice or tell you that you are doing everything wrong. I will go over to my mom’s to visit and if I go to my sister’s room to visit with her my mom will complain and talk to me about my sister behind her back.

I guess after reading the paragraph above it must seem as if a girl is just complaining about silly things about her mom. That I must not know that my mom just does all this because she loves me, wants what’s best for me. All that might be true, but my mom never seems to be happy.

She doesn’t like that I am still working in a care home and will always tell me that I should go back to school to make more money, she hates that my partner is self-employed; not really because he is his own boss but because paying himself per job is not the same as getting a check of the same amount every month. She thinks that he should be paying more; always telling me that everything should be 50/50 right down the middle. The thing is though it isn’t like we are just a fling couple starting out, we have been together over 4 years and consider each other as partners. When I think of two people as partners I think that they are there to help the other in need to care the weight when the other falls down. It shouldn’t just be the man always caring everything for the woman at times it needs to be the woman as well, That is how true partners should work. However, though no matter how many times I try and tell her that or tell her that what we decide as a couple is not her business and she needs to stop acting rude and treating my partner like he is not wanted she doesn’t seem to understand. Oh, wait. That’s wrong; she first tells me I’m mean for talking to her like that when she is just asking and therefore makes me feel like I am the bad one all because I don’t want to talk about personal matters with her that is between my partner and I.

My mom is great at making me feel like I have done something wrong or I should feel guilty for something I have said or done. I don’t even know how it happens or even how she can suddenly make me feel ashamed for everything I am. I find more now since I have moved out that she had this way of keeping me inside myself. Like I can’t feel like I can talk freely. I become so quiet when I visit. In my head, I keep telling myself you don’t want to say the wrong thing or move the wrong way. I don’t know, it is very hard to explain. I guess I just feel like I have to think about every single thing I do when I visit and I guess that just puts such this pressure to be perfect so she just doesn’t get mad at you or think its dumb when you express something.

I don’t know why I always feel this need to please my mom, to just see if she will ever be proud of me. She says she is, but then she will tell me I shouldn’t waste my money on cross stitch when I tell her I bought myself a cross stitch pattern. She will tell me that there are better things I can spend my money on. Maybe she just doesn’t understand that cross stitching is my therapy, how much it calms me and clears my head. Now don’t get me wrong she loves that I cross stitch, I have stitched her many pieces, it’s just I think since I’m young I’m not allowed to spend my money on things I want. Even with this tablet I know if she knew I had bought this she would have something to say about all the money I just wasted.

In writing this I have been trying to piece together why all of this is such a problem, maybe I am over reacting, maybe I should stop being this daughter that hates her mom for just wanting the best for her. And as I type that I also feel like I just want my mom to love me the way I am. I don’t want to feel like I have to close myself up when I go home and visit, I don’t want to feel like I can’t hug my partner when we visit because I guess in my family couples can’t be close to each other when visiting.

I’m sorry for writing this very sad post, but after having it all come out on here I feel like a small weight is off my shoulders. I thank you all so much if you stayed and read this, you are all wonderful. I hope my next post will be on a lighter note and show many pictures of my stitching. Happy stitching everyone

A New Guide to Cross Stitching

New book from The Royal School of Needlework:

The school finally decided to update and relaunch there learning series and make it into a whole book instead of before where each topic was its own little book.

They have topics on:

  • Crewelwork
  • Blackwork
  • Whitework
  • Silk Shading
  • Stumpwork
  • Bead Embroidery
  • Canvaswork
  • Goldwork

You can get this book online at Amazon or get it at Indigo Online, which is what I did as both were the same price, but I get points with Indigo.

I only just started reading some of it and since it is broken up into chapters I have started reading about canvaswork as I love canvas work and have done a piece before.

This book has great pictures:that will then go into detail on the steps for explaining how to do certain tasks.

I might at some point as I start reading this post tips that I get from the book.

Life Gets In The Way

Wow, life sure gets in the way when you really think it shouldn’t or when you try and plan out your life for ahead. I find that once I start planning for stuff in my life or for doing things that something comes up and turns my plans completely upside down. Like trying to finish a piece of cross stitching, or getting to a certain point before the end of the month; even making these blog posts, I plan to take time out of my day to write one and then something happens and then before I know it over a month has passed. I wish I could just make it stop and actually take the time and sit down and write, but it just can’t always be stopped. I am grateful though to all of you who all seem to be reading even though I don’t post very often. I know there aren’t many reads, however, I’m not looking to be the best or anything like that, but a few likes and few reads and comments tell me that at least me doing this is not a complete waste of time. Also, another reason that I do like to make these post (when I can) is that I really like to have this permanent record of my stitching, what was going on in my life, and what I was feeling stitching the piece. I have for a very long time found that writing is a way to just get my thoughts of something elsewhere and since I don’t have anyone that I can stitch with I find writing about it makes me feel like I am sharing my pieces and thoughts with other stitchers or crafters.

I have done a lot of stitching since I last posted, however, I haven’t done as much as I wanted and would have probably done more if it wasn’t for spraining my left wrist, which is the wrist that I hold my hoop and at the angle I hold it at after a few minutes it just gets more irritated, even when I am wearing the brace. The brace does help with everything else and I can even still work, which is very good since this will not be healed for at least another two or three weeks and I can’t or maybe almost anyone can’t just not be working for three weeks to a month. So that was a quite recent thing that happened and I guess another part of life just getting in the way is I would have to say work. And I know that that is just a horrible excuse, but there are just days that after work it is all I can do to just make it home and collapse on the couch and not able to get up for some time.  Maybe I’m just easily lazy after working eight hours or maybe I’m not getting enough rest that my body needs. There are I guess just some days that I wish I could work less and just have more time for stitching, writing, and I probably would find the time and energy to clean and organize my house the way I want it to be.

Well, I have now just realized that I have been rating for over two paragraphs long and you are probably now sick of me just rating, however, though lots of my posts have little rates. This blog for me isn’t just about showing my stitching, I also like to share pieces of my life, not just to share for fun but also I think for me a lot of the times I really need to get stuff off my chest and I have found that I feel the best afterwards or have the best results doing it by writing.

So if I remember correctly my last post was before I went on my little weekend getaway to Calgary and then off to Banff after that. Stayed two days in Calgary and then two days in Banff. When we went to Calgary I got to go to the LNS that they have there, which is called: Traditional Stitches. First off what a hard place to find. Sure the address will show up on Google Maps and it will get you there, but when you get there it looks just like a two story house and there are no signs. So you think it is the wrong place and you leave, but it is the right place and if you just go up to the door there is a small white sign taped to the screen door with the name and their hours and all you do is open the door and walk in. I wish I had taken pictures. This place is just so beautiful inside and filled with so much framed stitching all over the walls. There are racks of threads of all kinds, stitching notations: like thread keepers, scissor keepers, and all those neat other things. They have so many patterns and beads, thread packs and charm packs. The store owners are so nice and kind and welcoming. I went there on the first day to Calgary and then when we were on our way back to Saskatoon we went back through Calgary again, so I just had to stop by again and the shop owner remembered me and even told me: “Oh, I knew you would be back.” which I found was very nice and funny. I found out from the owner that the reason that there were no signs out front or even a big sign in the window was that because the place is in a rural area they are by law not allowed to have any advertisement signs out on the lawn or even showing out the window. So if you decide on visiting this store the directions through Google are correct.

I don’t think I am going to show any of my stitching this time, but I will be showing what I bought when I went to Traditional Stitches and then hopefully this week will make a post of all my stitching I have done so far.

IMG_0565I had heard of these before on a FlossTube video that I watched, can’t remember which one it was or if it was more then one. I thought I would try them for when I am framing my own stuff. I will have to let you guys all know what I think of it when I frame something.

IMG_0566Of course, I had to get some fabric. The price is a lot but I would be paying the same for it ordering it and paying for shipping. I also have wanted to try stitching in 32 count fabric for a long time.

IMG_0567These are a pack of the Hands Across The Sea Samplers greeting cards that have a little chart on the back of each card. I have a few FlossTube friends and just cross stitching friends that I know through FaceBook and I thought I would give them a little card just to say thank you for making the videos and I have a friend through FaceBook that makes journal pages and she gave me some so I had wanted to say thank you to her in a more personal way. I will most likely never use all these, but they are really nice and a nice card to give to a stitcher.

IMG_0568You can’t see from the picture as the thread pack is covering it, but this pattern is from Jeannette Douglas Designs. I have always loved her designs, even though I haven’t finished anything from her, but other then what I bought on this trip I believe I have two or three other of her designs that I bought on a different trip. I don’t know what it is about her pieces but I am always just so drawn to them as soon as I see them. The one mistake I made though was that I didn’t make sure there was no charms or beads in this piece, and man is there a lot of charms and beads. I haven’t been able to find them to buy them individually, they luckily though have a charm pack for this that is actually sold at the same place I got this. So I have decided since I am going through Calgary in July when we go up to Jasper I am going to buy it there.

IMG_0569Had to get this chart when I saw it. I have been wanting to stitch a bee chart for a while now, but everything I had kind of seen I really didn’t like it or I liked it but I wouldn’t want it hanging around in my house. This though is very cute, not girly, and just kind of elegant.

IMG_0570Finally got this chart. It has been on my wishlist for over a year and when I saw it there I knew I just had to buy it.

IMG_0571I never knew about this designer until I listened to an episode of FiberTalk on YouTube, where they had a guest of this designer and they showed a few of her pieces and even though it is all specialty stitches I just fell in love with her work. At the store, they only had two of her patterns, the other one they had I didn’t really like it that much, but this one was one of the ones that I had liked when I went to her sight and was thinking of ordering one of her patterns. Glad I didn’t cause as you all know I love supporting my local small business stores.

IMG_0572I actually didn’t think I would ever buy one of these or ever stitch one. I think this was more an “Oh it is here let’s get it,” kind of purchase. If you are any kind of crafter I think you will know what I mean by that. So know that I have this one I will be getting the other three in the series and be getting the thread packs for all of them.

IMG_0573Yes, this is another “Oh its pretty and here, let’s buy it,” purchase. I have no plans for this at all and it might even be years till I actually stitch it. I know though I wouldn’t be doing it in those colours, I might even do it in two variegated colours, which I think would look very nice.

IMG_0574Another Jeannette Douglas design. I have actually already started this, and of course, I am making changes. I am deciding to give this to my mom for her birthday in August. So my plan is that instead of having the word “Friends” I am going to put the word “Mom”.

Well, that is all the stitchy stuff that I bought on my trip. I do plan on making another post with all my stitching that I am hoping I can have up this or next week. As always everyone, happy stitching. 🙂

Mystery Blogger Nomination

Hello, everyone. I’m back again. Sorry, this isn’t an update on any of my cross stitching, but I am planning for an update tomorrow or on Friday.

This post is because when I opened my WordPress account I found that one of my dear blogger friends had nominated me for the Mystery Blogger Award. I just was so surprised and also very happy that someone saw my blog and liked it enough to give me a nomination.

So thank you so much: Emz Crafty Creations; https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/42419892

Rules: 

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog, 

2. tell your readers three things about yourself, 

3. nominate people, notify your nominees by commenting on their blogs, 

4. ask your nominees five questions of your choice and share a link or links to your favourite posts.

Answering Questions:

  1. What is your favourite type of music? – That is really a hard question for me as I kind of love a bit of everything. I have to say I do like a lot of rock music though.
  2. Why did you start blogging? -I started blogging cause I love writing and I just wanted to start writing about my crafting and just showing people what I was doing.
  3. If you could be in any TV show or film what would it be and why? – I would love to be a character in the show Once Upon a Time, because you never seem to know what or where you are or can go next, the possibilities are endless.
  4. Where’s the most exciting place you visited? -Going to the mountains in Calgary with my parents for their wedding, even though I was five I can still remember the walking in the snow with my dad and thinking that we could climb to the top, but we only got to one tip point and I remember feeling like we were at the very top. Funny how we see things when we are kids.
  5. Whats your spirit animal? -Sorry don’t have one

Three things about myself: 

  1. Even though I am a girl I am not very girly. I hate make-up, going out, high heels, making a big deal about how I look. I rarely wear make-up or make myself look a certain way. I like to just be me.
  2. A romantic night for me is going out for a walk or staying in, talking and just getting to know one each other.
  3. When I’m with my best friend I can suddenly be the loudest ridiculous person in the room, acting like I’m 16 again or in some cases, we are acting like 10-year-olds again with the way were laughing.

My Nominations:

A Galifreyian Speaks Her Mind

My Time Stitching

halfstitch

My questions:

  1. What is your favorite thing in the world to do?
  2. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, right this second where would you go?
  3. If you could buy anything right now, doesn’t matter how much, what would you buy. Remember only one thing?
  4. What do you think or believe is your true passion in life?
  5. When you are 75 or over what do you want to be doing?

Thank you once again Emz Crafty Creations for your nomination.

An Easter Vacation

Oh boy, it’s been a very long time since I have done an updated on what I’m working on. This month has seemed to just fly by for me, I can’t believe it is already the end of April. For some reason I still kind of feel like it is only the start of April. I hope everyone has enjoyed the month and enjoyed Easter break as well, I know I did.

I had booked time off work for the Easter break and since my parents also had time off from work for most of the week we were able to go to the cabin up north for the week. As you can see the lake is still frozen over and there is still snow…well actually there wasn’t that much snow before, expected the day we drove up a snow storm hit.

IMG_0164It was very hard driving up there. You could barely see the road, even with the head lights on. So because of the conditions, we were only driving 60km/hr when usually the speed is 110km/h. Most of the time it only takes us four hours to get there, but instead, it took us over seven hours. I am happy to say though that we all made it safely there and the rest of our time up there the weather was beautiful. Might have not been the warmest weather but the sun was shining out.

This is a picture overlooking the frozen lake, right outside the front of our cabin:IMG_0181 Now, our cabin might be a warm little shelter but we are ruffing it a lot out there. My dad drilled a hole in the lake to haul up water, which we then boiled on a wood burning stove to wash dishes. The only light there is up there is sunlight through the windows and if we turn on the generator we can turn on the lamps. So with no tech. I had plenty of time to cross stitch, even though I had to stop around seven O’clock as there wasn’t enough sunlight by that time.

This is what I had completed by the end of my time up there:IMG_0208

Since it has been awhile since I got back I would like to show you what it looks like now: IMG_0209

I almost can’t believe how much work I have done on it this month and how close I am now to finishing it.

Well, that’s all the updating I have for today. I think I will leave you off with a few pictures of my cat enjoying her first time up at the cabin.

IMG_0204

IMG_0191

Happy stitching everyone! 🙂

 

Well, I’m Back!

Hi everyone, yes I’m back.

I’m sorry for not posting anything in a long time, I have a good reason for it. On February 24th I moved out of my parents home and into a new little basement suite with my boyfriend. It is our first place together and our first time living together, but so far I find things are going nicely. Even though I was told by many co-workers that moving in together would destroy our relationship and we would end up breaking up. So far we are still together and just making our new place look like a home for the two of us.

So besides just the moving in and unpacking everything, which sadly to say there is still boxes I haven’t unpacked, mainly because I really don’t know where to put it yet. I have been of course busy with that and there was about a week in the beginning where we didn’t have any internet and I personally don’t like typing blog posts on my phone. With no internet though I did have a lot of time for some crafting and now I finally have time to go on here and show you my progress on my projects. So now that I’m back and I have settled somewhat into living in a new place I guess I should tell you what I’ve been up to.\Luckily for me, I had the day off work so I was able to sleep in and since my boyfriend wasn’t feeling the greatest he called in and we got to spend my birthday together.

Before I get into my projects though I would like to say that on the 14th of March I had my 21st birthday. Luckily for me, I had the day off work so I was able to sleep in and since my boyfriend wasn’t feeling the greatest he called in and we got to spend my birthday together.

Now for most of my childhood, I have always wanted goldfish or a turtle actually I still do want a turtle. Anyway, the morning of my birthday, my boyfriend told me he was going out to get me a fish and an ice cream cake since he knows I like that kind of cake.

So about an hour later, with me getting enough time to finish the dishes and clean the place up a bit, he came home with two little goldfish, fish tank, a little plant, and a display rock. Now growing up I was a big fan of Dr. Suese books, Cat and the Hat wasn’t my favourite book, however, I decided on naming the two fish Thing 1 and Thing 2. A little weird, but there’s two of them and given the names they are full of mischief. IMG_0153The first few days we had them, they really didn’t swim around a lot actually almost none at all, but now they swim around most of the day and they must get along really well because they are always close by each other, whether that’s swimming or just staying still. I kind of thought it would be neat if one was a female and the other a male and they had little babies, I think it would be really cute.

Well, let’s move on to some crafting. I started a new knitting project since a lot of my crafting things were still packed away. It’s not a really big project, I’m just making a small shawl to go around my shoulders since they get cold all the time and sometimes I really don’t feel like wearing a sweater.

Here is what it looks like so far: IMG_0156As you can see, I’m not using any special pattern, just a basic knit purl pattern that I found on Pinterest. I haven’t worked that much on other projects mainly thing one, but I want to be doing an update of my cross stitch projects sometime this week or early next week.

Well, I think that is all I have for today. Happy crafting everyone! 🙂