Stitching Update and Turning 23

Hi, everyone, how have everyone’s weeks been going? Anyone do any stitching?

Well, I hope you have all done more stitching then I have because I really haven’t done much. I don’t know what it is but I haven’t wanted to stitch. Okay, that’s a lie. I have wanted to stitch but every time I look at my stitching I just feel bored with it. I know I could just keep up a new piece and try stitching on that, but I’m not really in the mood for any of my other pieces. I think what might be a problem is the fact the piece I do want to stitch on and the reason I am kind of bored with it is that I’m doing so many colour changes or stopping and ending threads all because the colours are all over the place.

Also part of me is waiting for the set of new charts that I ordered. I decided to order some stitching stuff for myself as it was going to be my birthday. I signed up for a fabric subscription of 40 count linen, the collection has 16 fabric colours in it, which I think is a good decent amount, after all, I don’t have lots of space to store everything. The piece will each be a little bigger than a ‘fat quarter’. I got my first piece about a week after my birthday. Just a plain off-white colour.

Now I have never stitched on 40 count before, but have wanted to try for a while now. I figured I needed something that was small and kind of easy like (meaning just using cross stitches and back stitches). So since I am doing the seasonal series from Stoney Creek I thought it would be great to do a monthly series also from Stoney Creek so that they will go together. Now after looking at all of them, I thought the one that really only went well with the seasonal series was the ‘Bird of the Month’ series as in the seasonal series there is lots of birds and flowers and each month piece has a bird and some flower in it. So with my fabric collection, I also ordered the whole 12 charts of the series.

I think with me and buying charts, when I buy something I find myself wanting to stitch it right away and I can’t focus on any other stitching it seems sometimes. This is why I think I hate buying online, you just get have it right then and there you have to wait weeks for it to get to you.

Wow, now this seems like all I am doing is complaining, which I didn’t come on her to do at all, I guess I got carried away. So sorry to any of you who think I am complaining about online shopping or the postal service.

Well, I think now I should show you some stitch.

Jpeg

So what has everyone else been stitching? And who is happy that the snow is almost completely gone, at least for me here you are only finding snow in patches in the shade?

Happy stitching everyone.

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My Life With No Stitching

Sorry, but today is not a stitching update. I really wanted it to be an update, but sadly there really isn’t enough stitching to make a stitching update. So the reason that I am on here writing to you today is because of a post that I made two posts ago. Even though talking about things in my life is really hard I found that it really helped me afterwards. So anyone reading this thank you all so much for reading and even if you don’t make a comment just getting my thoughts out into words seems to just lift a heavy weight off of me.

Nothing new really happened to cause me to write to you right now, except for how I am feeling, which I think in turn is making stitching really hard to do. Usually, it is my way out, my way to clear my mind and have my troubles leave me. But this week has been very hard and I think I know kind of a few reasons behind it.

So I have been feeling very overwhelmed and I am getting over emotional towards things that I’m not emotional about, but because of this heavy overwhelming feeling, I seem to just suddenly lose control and breakdown, not knowing the reasoning behind me breaking down so suddenly.

It will be my birthday in a week so I have been feeling like I need to visit with my family, just because I have been getting a few texts from my mom saying she misses me, which in turn makes me feel like I should visit. You see she is trying to have a relationship with me and I should just find it easy to go see her, but I don’t. No instead I feel overwhelmed about going over there and having to curl myself back up in my shell and be the way I was when I used to live there, someone that looking back, I have grown to hate the way that person was. I feel like I have come so far and pushed myself so much to be the way that I truly love and want to be, but going there I just feel like I can’t be that person and old habits that used to be my personality creep their way back inside and take a long time to leave, which effects my relationship with my partner of course. Because I come home and I’m closed off towards him and I talk of us ending our relationship, because somehow in my visit my mom has convinced me that he is using me, that all money should be split down the middle, that us sharing our life and moving together as one can be done if we just split everything, like we are roommates living together. And I hate that, because that is not how I want our relationship, I love that our relationship is always finding balance with each other and caring equally about what each wants and needs. My mom though just has this way of somehow convincing me that that is not a good relationship or we are too young to understand the things that can happen or that I should trust her more than myself or my partner because she is my mother.

Sometimes I wonder if I just need to close myself off from my mother just till I am strong enough to be happy and feel okay with being myself and staying true to who I really am. But I know that it can’t really work that way, because she loves me and has cared for me and how could I just close the door in her face all because I can’t seem to control myself or because I’m not strong or just because for some reason she has this effect on me? I guess part of me feels like I’m being unfair to her, that I’m punishing her for no reason and that I should hate myself for feeling this way about someone who loves me and has cared for me my whole life.

I’m sorry about this post turning into such a rate. I just really needed to get this all out. I hope I can be back maybe next week before my birthday or after with a stitching update. Thank you all for reading my drama.

The End of the “I Love to Stitch Challenge”

Okay, so I was actually going to do a blog post in the start of this whole challenge, but then got busy with work, then I got sick, and then I just thought that it would be too late to do a post about it and decided I would do a post at the end of it.

So first off this was a challenge created by Donnett from the facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/945730005565287/ She was feeling like herself and others needed the motivation to stitch so she created the I Love to Stitch Challenge, which to pass the challenge you needed to at least stitch 30 minutes every day in February. You needed to post on the group every day with your before and after pictures.

I loved this challenge and I am so happy that she has decided to make this challenge an annual challenge.

I worked on my Winter Bell Pull by Stoney Creek.

This is where I was the day before the challenge started:

And stitching all days, except for one day, this is where the project is now:

I am just so happy with the amount I was able to stitch on this piece in one month. I still have a few more stitches to do before backstitching and then I can go to the next letter, which will be the ‘N’.

This is what it looks like with everything I have done so far (the last letter I finished at the end of January):

I would have never thought in just two months of stitching this piece would be this far. So happy that I’ve done this much and I really think a big part in getting this far was because of the challenge. I almost wish that the challenge was still going on so that it would just give me that extra push to stitch every day.

Well, that is all I have stitched on since I last posted. I just wanted to say sorry for not posting an update sooner and I’m sorry for yesterdays kind of depressing post. I think that when you start this blogs you put so much of yourself into them and somedays when things are going bad you can’t hide your feelings when writing a post, you need to write what is going on our what you feel at the time. This blog for me isn’t for me to just share my cross stitching and other hobbies, that’s the main purpose for it, but I find I put some much of myself in posts that I can’t just pretend on them.

Thanks for always reading;

Happy stitching

Telling the Truth

I came on here to write a cross stitching blog post about what I have been working on (don’t worry I’ve done lots of stitching) but just with things coming up in my life I have just felt that I can’t write about stitching. So today I’m going to be writing about something I hate talking about, something that I find so hard to write down that I don’t know how well this will be written. I will try to go over this post to correct any mistakes, but if there is a lot please forgive me. Now if you find reading emotionally tragic posts a triggered then I will say goodbye to you here and I hope that you come back to my blog with my next cross stitching update, if you aren’t sure what I mean and you don’t think you should continue then I will tell you that this has nothing to do with suicide or physical/sexual abuse. Nothing like that.

So one of the reasons I didn’t come back as soon as I said I would was because typing long posts on a phone are very hard for me, which I believe I talked about in my last post. So you might be thinking I’m writing this on my phone once again; I’m happy to say though that today I finally decided (getting much encouragement from my partner I should add) to finally get the Google Pixel and the Google keyboard. Just like to add that I love it so far and it is great to type on.

The reason I am calling this post “Telling the Truth” is because what I am about to write I have never written or talked about in depth except to my partner. I once wrote a bit about this in an autobiography assignment I had to write for English and to be truthful I found it one of the hardest thing to ever do while in school. What I wrote though seems like something so small and I think in many ways I have moved on and let go with what had happened.

This had been when I was very young and you might think that being young and knowing kids can be silly and annoying to there parents most of the time. While I guess I must have got my mom frustrated too many times. Now I can’t remember the days it happened or even what I had really done. All I can remember is my mom’s hand slapping me across the face and me running and crying in my room; my tear stained face pressing against my pillow wondering what I had done wrong to make my mom hit me, thinking and wondering maybe my mom didn’t love me. My brother and sister never got hit, not across the face. Mom would come in soon later and comfort me; pat my back till I sat up and then hug me. She would tell me how sorry she was and how much she loved me.

I can’t remember how much this happened, but I knew once I got to around sixth or fifth grade that it stopped, at least that is my guess. Now I know my mom should have never done that, I know that she was the parent and I was the child and hitting a child is no way of showing them they did something to anger them. My mom should have left the room or the situation that was causing her to be upset and take a breath. But I also know that anger has a horrible way of controlling us when we need to be the ones control it. When I first ever talked about this I found it so hard, as I don’t see my mom as the physically abusive. I think I am telling you this though as I almost need the base ground and maybe I just feel if I am telling you everything else I may as well tell you as much as I can.

You would think that after what I just told you that maybe we prepared our relationship and are really close like mother and daughter should be. In reality, though we aren’t, in reality, I don’t even want to see her. It wasn’t what she did to me then, no, it is what she does now; what she won’t stop doing even though I have had very hard conversations asking her to stop. My mom has and is a very strong woman, which I love. But she is also the type of woman that when she gives advice you should take it without question; when she asks about how you are doing she will press you until she needs to give you advice or tell you that you are doing everything wrong. I will go over to my mom’s to visit and if I go to my sister’s room to visit with her my mom will complain and talk to me about my sister behind her back.

I guess after reading the paragraph above it must seem as if a girl is just complaining about silly things about her mom. That I must not know that my mom just does all this because she loves me, wants what’s best for me. All that might be true, but my mom never seems to be happy.

She doesn’t like that I am still working in a care home and will always tell me that I should go back to school to make more money, she hates that my partner is self-employed; not really because he is his own boss but because paying himself per job is not the same as getting a check of the same amount every month. She thinks that he should be paying more; always telling me that everything should be 50/50 right down the middle. The thing is though it isn’t like we are just a fling couple starting out, we have been together over 4 years and consider each other as partners. When I think of two people as partners I think that they are there to help the other in need to care the weight when the other falls down. It shouldn’t just be the man always caring everything for the woman at times it needs to be the woman as well, That is how true partners should work. However, though no matter how many times I try and tell her that or tell her that what we decide as a couple is not her business and she needs to stop acting rude and treating my partner like he is not wanted she doesn’t seem to understand. Oh, wait. That’s wrong; she first tells me I’m mean for talking to her like that when she is just asking and therefore makes me feel like I am the bad one all because I don’t want to talk about personal matters with her that is between my partner and I.

My mom is great at making me feel like I have done something wrong or I should feel guilty for something I have said or done. I don’t even know how it happens or even how she can suddenly make me feel ashamed for everything I am. I find more now since I have moved out that she had this way of keeping me inside myself. Like I can’t feel like I can talk freely. I become so quiet when I visit. In my head, I keep telling myself you don’t want to say the wrong thing or move the wrong way. I don’t know, it is very hard to explain. I guess I just feel like I have to think about every single thing I do when I visit and I guess that just puts such this pressure to be perfect so she just doesn’t get mad at you or think its dumb when you express something.

I don’t know why I always feel this need to please my mom, to just see if she will ever be proud of me. She says she is, but then she will tell me I shouldn’t waste my money on cross stitch when I tell her I bought myself a cross stitch pattern. She will tell me that there are better things I can spend my money on. Maybe she just doesn’t understand that cross stitching is my therapy, how much it calms me and clears my head. Now don’t get me wrong she loves that I cross stitch, I have stitched her many pieces, it’s just I think since I’m young I’m not allowed to spend my money on things I want. Even with this tablet I know if she knew I had bought this she would have something to say about all the money I just wasted.

In writing this I have been trying to piece together why all of this is such a problem, maybe I am over reacting, maybe I should stop being this daughter that hates her mom for just wanting the best for her. And as I type that I also feel like I just want my mom to love me the way I am. I don’t want to feel like I have to close myself up when I go home and visit, I don’t want to feel like I can’t hug my partner when we visit because I guess in my family couples can’t be close to each other when visiting.

I’m sorry for writing this very sad post, but after having it all come out on here I feel like a small weight is off my shoulders. I thank you all so much if you stayed and read this, you are all wonderful. I hope my next post will be on a lighter note and show many pictures of my stitching. Happy stitching everyone

Good Bye 2018, Hello 2019

Wow, it has been a long time.

Sorry everyone for being gone so long. Between the time I have been gone I have decided to get rid of my laptop and get a Google Tablet. So I have to clean out my laptop so I could sell it and then use the money from that to buy the tablet. Sadly though, I have not been able to sell it yet. So no new tablet and I am typing this up on my phone, which I don’t really like, however, I have been wanting to make a new post for so long and I just don’t think I’m going to be getting the tablet for a few months.

So a lot has happened. New Year’s start, finishes, and amazing Christmas gifts.

First up I’m just going to put up my finishes.

This you saw finished up last year but I finally got it framed and it is up by our stairway.

Last year I was able to finish two ornaments, but this year I was only able to finish one. This is a Mill Hill kit in case anyone wanted to know.

So before the year was over I was able to get this piece finished and framed. I love how this turned out. If anyone wants to know the changes that I made my blog post before has a list of the colour changes.

I have to say one of my biggest finished that I finished this year has to be my Specialty Stitches pieces. It isn’t the biggest in size but it was big as in important as I started it back in the late year of 2017 worked on it for two months and then only worked on it for the last month of 2018 and few days of the new year and I finished it.

Now to the new start that I started on January 9th (which was when the fabric arrived)

After buying this a year ago I am finally starting this:

This is how far I am now:I have so far worked 28.75 hours on this. It might not look like a lot of progress but I’m a very slow stitcher and there are so many colour changes in this. You would think there would be just by looking at it, but don’t be fooled there is. But a very good thing about lots of colour changes is that there is very little backstitching.

Now let’s talk about some of the Christmas gifts that I got. My parents got me a floor stand and a lap stand for my stitching. One of the gifts that my partner(no we haven’t got married yet, still engaged. I just find it easier to write partner and I find Fiance is just not as meaningful of a word as saying, partner. People think that Fiance isn’t as meaningful as being married and I get told all the time when I call him my partner that ”oh you aren’t really married.” Sorry for the side note.) not as got me was the three-layered trolling cart that everyone has been getting for the last two years.

Pictures below:

The one thing that I found was very interesting where my mom got the floor-stand and the lap-stand from was that the person selling it her mother used to stitch but is going blind now so will not be able to use it anymore, which is so sad but she was happy that it was going to a Stitcher, however, before it was hers it was her mother’s that her father had made for her. So it is over 100 years old. I just love that it is in such good condition and that it is being passed along through Stitchers.

So I’m going to say bye for now and I will be back February 1st for an announcement. But I’m not giving any hints you’ll have to wait and see when I post.

Happy stitching everyone!

Life Update and a Little Knitting

So it’s now been a few weeks since I have done an update and I got to say in that time I have done no stitching at all.

The first few days it was mainly because I just wasn’t interested in stitching or doing any other crafts, but this week and some of last the reason I haven’t done any is that my neck muscles and some of my back have just been too sore or stiff to make it worth stitching. If I have even a little pain of stiff neck and I stitch then it will just get a lot worse.

So mainly now I have been stretching out my neck with exercise that I was given by my physio, which I should be doing them more than just doing them once a day but work kind of gets in the way of that.

So I did though go to my local yarn/needlework store a few days ago with my mother in law as she does crochet.

Anyway, I just picked up a few things.Sorry if the picture isn’t that great.

With the skain of yarn, I did start a new knitting project (I know I haven’t knitted in a very long time) anyway with the cold weather coming and me only living two blocks from work I really just wanted a neck wrap that just goes over the head and my coat over it.

I don’t have much, but here is what I have so far:

So that’s it for me right now. What is everyone else up to? Have any of you start Christmas ornaments or Christmas themed stitching?

Happy stitching and knitting everyone

My Home of a Needleworker

Hi everyone,

I am back to do a stitching update and also show you the piece that I have been working on for the past four and a half months.

This piece is Home of a Needleworker. You all know what it looks like, but in case you don’t, I put a picture below of the chart.

Now I made a lot of changes to mine, as this piece has been done so many times I really wanted mine to look different. For starters, I did not use any of the called for DMC threads, in fact, I did not use any DMC threads. I wanted some variegation in the piece so I actually changed over into using Silk ’n Colours by The Thread Gatherer.

I love these silks. Nice to stitch with (sometimes knots up) and the colours are so nice. Now I couldn’t find any conversions going from DMC to Silk ’n Colours so what I did was I looked at a colour chart online of the Silk ’n Colours and basically looked at the type of colour they were using for each symbol and picked what I thought would look best. Now, this isn’t always the best for everyone and it can turn out wrong, so if you don’t feel confident enough to do it this way then don’t. It also can take a very long time. I didn’t mind doing it and it felt like I was designing my own piece of artwork.

I started this piece on: June 24th, 2018 I am stitching it on: 32 ct. Evenweave Threads using:

    00E Ecru
    063 In the reds
    177 Simply Strawberry
    161 Bear Brown
    175 Straw into Gold
    260 Slug Bug
    089 Dark Forest
    090 Green Leaves
    00B Black
    174 Chestnut
    339 Industrial Stone

So far I have worked 50 hours on the pieces and this is what I have so far: So what is everyone else up to, is anyone starting anything new on Halloween?

And happy Halloween everyone.